Taming the Tangles: Hair brushing and our senses

Taming the Tangles: Hair brushing and our senses

For many parents, hair brushing is a simple part of the daily routine. But for children with autism, ADHD, sensory processing disorder (SPD), and other issues this seemingly easy task can become a source of anxiety, discomfort, and even trigger meltdowns. 

Understanding why hair brushing can be such a challenge and finding strategies and techniques that work for your child can make a world of difference.

Why Do Kids with Sensory Issues Dislike Hair Brushing?

Children with sensory issues often struggle with sensory sensitivities, which can make everyday sensations feel overwhelming. Hair brushing can trigger discomfort for several reasons:

1. Tactile Sensitivity - their scalp can feel sensitive: The sensation of bristles on the scalp, the pulling of hair, and even the feeling of hair being touched can be incredibly painful or distressing for kids with sensory sensitivities. Their scalp may be more sensitive than that of a neurotypical child, making hair brushing feel like a painful, intense experience.
2. Auditory Sensitivity - hypersensitive to noise: The sound of the brush moving through their hair or even the snap of a detangling spray bottle can be loud and startling to a child who is sensitive to noise.
3. Loss of Control - having someone tugging/pulling at your hair: Hair brushing can feel like an invasion of personal space, especially when someone else is doing it. For someone who struggles to regulate their senses, this can feel overwhelming.
4. Memory of Pain - those awful knots: If a child has experienced a particularly painful or negative hair brushing session in the past, they may anticipate that all future brushing will be equally uncomfortable.

The Impact of Societal Expectations

A child’s appearance can often be closely scrutinized, and parents can feel pressure to present their kids as neat and well-groomed. For children with sensory processing issues, this pressure can become another layer of stress. Parents may feel judged when their child’s hair is messy or unbrushed, but forcing a child into a grooming routine that they find distressing can be counterproductive.

It’s important to balance societal expectations with your child’s sensory needs. Hair may not always be perfectly styled, and that’s okay. Your child’s comfort and well-being come first, and finding ways to make hair brushing more tolerable is a more compassionate goal than striving for a polished look.

Techniques to Try

While every child is unique, here are some strategies that might help make hair brushing more manageable, and we also have some product suggestions that may be helpful (these include affiliate links, which earn us a small commission at no extra cost to you).

1. Sensory-Friendly Brushes: Soft, flexible bristles are less likely to cause discomfort than hard bristles. Some brushes are specifically designed for sensitive scalps and can help reduce the sensory impact of brushing. 
2. Try Hair Brushing at a Calm Time: Choose a time when your child is relaxed and not overstimulated. Avoid brushing their hair when they are tired, hungry, or upset. Doing this during bath time may also help, as warm water can make hair brushing easier and less painful.
3. Offer Control and Choice: Let your child choose when and how their hair is brushed. Give them the option to do it themselves or try brushing their favourite toy or doll's hair first to create a positive association with the activity.
4. Choose hairstyles that suit the need and hair types: If your child can tolerate a shorter hairstyle, this can often help. Longer hair can be braided, if tolerated to keep hair easier to brush.
5. Detangling Sprays or Leave-In Conditioners: These products can help reduce the tugging sensation and make the process quicker and less uncomfortable. Make sure the spray’s scent and texture aren’t overwhelming for your child, as sensory overload from strong smells can worsen the experience.
6. Introduce Deep Pressure Touch Before Brushing: Sometimes, applying deep pressure to the scalp or shoulders before brushing can help desensitise the area. Using a weighted lap pad or shoulder pad during the process may also provide calming input.
7. Sing a Song or Use Visual Supports: Create a short, playful song that you sing only during hair brushing, or use a timer so your child knows exactly how long the process will last. Visual schedules can also help prepare them and give a sense of predictability.
8. Start Small and Build Up Tolerance: Don’t feel like you need to brush all of their hair in one go. Start with a few strokes, give breaks, and gradually increase the length of time spent brushing as they become more comfortable.
9. Practice Patience and Compassion: Understanding that this isn’t about defiance but rather a real sensory difficulty can help ease the frustration for both you and your child. Progress may be slow, but even small improvements can make a big difference.

Conclusion: Compassion wins over perfection

It’s important to approach hair brushing with patience, compassion, and flexibility.  The goal is to find ways that meet their sensory needs while maintaining some level of hygiene but is not to force your child into a grooming routine that doesn’t work for them.

Remember, your child’s well-being is the priority. It’s okay to let go of some minor societal expectations and focus on creating a routine that’s comfortable for your child. With time, the tangles in both their hair and the stress around brushing can be tamed.